I’ve been trying for years, but now I’m so drained that I can’t bring myself to start again. It feels like I will perish under the weight of my sins.
That voice you hear—the one telling you to give up—is the Enemy’s attempt to keep you trapped. But remember, God sees your efforts, and He will not forget.
When we talk about God’s love and fairness in relation to pornography, I believe we’ve all experienced moments where we’ve tried to quit watching porn, only to relapse. So, considering His love and fairness, what about those who continue to struggle with the same challenges as you and me?
I want to share an experience I had. I spent years battling my addiction to porn, finding only brief moments of relief—days when I would cry and pray in church, desperately seeking rescue from my self-destructive behavior. There were times when I lost hope, sinking into depression, convinced I was as good as dead. Despite my struggles, I clung to a fragile thread of faith in Jesus.
During those days, I heard a voice that kept me going. At first, I thought it was from a sermon or a Bible verse, but the more I searched for its source, the more confused I became. The voice said: “Those who fight the battle to the end will be crowned as winners.”
I recently attempted to find the source without success, but a voice that has motivated me for many years cannot be the voice of evil. As I began exploring the Bible, I discovered various situations that validate this perspective.
Once again, it is up to God alone to pass judgment. I am not trying to elevate anyone or replace God as the ultimate judge. Only God knows the hearts, and He alone can judge us accordingly. However, as you read the following, you will understand the depth of His forgiveness.
“Who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth” (1 Timothy 2:4).
- The First Occasion
During the first occasion, David led 600 men in pursuit of the Amalekites, who had taken their wives and children. However, 200 men were too exhausted to continue and had to stay behind. Although the battle wasn’t about expansion but about rescuing their own families, these tired men couldn’t accompany David. When David returned from the battle with all the families and plenty of spoils, the Bible mentions that among the 400 men who fought, some wicked individuals refused to share the spoils with the 200 men who had stayed behind. Their intention was for the 200 men to retrieve only their families and leave (Read 1 Samuel 30:9-25).
It’s fascinating how the Bible portrays some of these men who actually went to battle with David as wicked, despite the logic behind their reasoning. After all, the other 200 men didn’t take the risk of fighting alongside David.
David responded with the following:
For who will heed you in this matter? But as his part is who goes down to the battle, so shall his part be who stays by the supplies; they shall share alike.” So it was, from that day forward; he made it a statute and an ordinance for Israel to this day” (1 Samuel 30:24-25).
In our battles, some of us may have the strength to fight all at once, while others can only summon enough strength to fight for a while before becoming tired and giving in, only to try again. If David, in his earthly judgment, established such a rule, how do you think our heavenly Father would treat those who sincerely try to fight against pornography but struggle with relapses?
- The Second Occasion
This involves Jesus telling a parable about a worker. I couldn’t understand the mystery of the parable until I realized that I, myself, was standing idle, just like the workers He found at the eleventh hour.
For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard. Now when he had agreed with the laborers for a denarius a day, he sent them into his vineyard. And he went out about the third hour and saw others standing idle in the marketplace, and said to them, You also go into the vineyard, and whatever is right I will give you. So they went. Again he went out about the sixth and the ninth hour, and did likewise. And about the eleventh hour he went out and found others standing idle, and said to them, Why have you been standing here idle all day? They said to him, because no one hired us. He said to them, You also go into the vineyard, and whatever is right you will receive. So when evening had come, the owner of the vineyard said to his steward, Call the laborers and give them their wages, beginning with the last to the first. And when those came who were hired about the eleventh hour, they each received a denarius. But when the first came, they supposed that they would receive more; and they likewise received each a denarius. And when they had received it, they complained against the landowner, saying, These last men have worked only one hour, and you made them equal to us who have borne the burden and the heat of the day. But he answered one of them and said, Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius? Take what is yours and go your way. I wish to give to this last man the same as to you. Is it not lawful for me to do what I wish with my own things? Or is your eye evil because I am good? (Matthew 20: 1–16)
Well, that’s not fair at all.
Expectation
I struggled for a long time with trials, experiencing frequent relapses that made it feel like I was enduring the heat and darkness every day-like the first workers in this parable. I worked tirelessly to overcome this addiction that had consumed my life. Despite many exercises, programs, accountability measures, and attempts, I only caught fleeting glimpses of freedom that I couldn’t maintain. I questioned whether I was truly serving in His vineyard. Although I believed I was, my focus was not on Him but on freeing myself from this habit – without Him.
While these methods offered some help as promised, I still felt unsettled, as there was no solid foundation in my heart. This left my heart on edge and my vision clouded, leading me to stumble once again.
Yet, I empathize with other people, such as some of my friends, who have encountered pornography but overcame it quickly. I often wonder why I struggle while they stay strong. It’s as if this darkness targets some individuals while sparing others. They seem to achieve success with minimal effort-like those who worked for only one hour, whereas I strive for the same results. Lord, I won’t question why they received more blessings, but I seek guidance from those who worked in Your vineyard for just one hour. Please tell me what did you do differently?!
Yet, I hear them saying, “we trusted in the one who picked us up after standing idle. We answered his call without even knowing how much he would give us. We are thankful that he gave us the chance to do any work after we had been idle so we could gain some reward. Our eyes were not on the reward, or how much work needed to be done, or how much he would give, but on Him. We trusted in Him and He made us strong, like eagles. That’s why, even though there is still work to do, counseling to go through, or programs to attend, it all seemed like an easy yoke that we had to endure.”
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:31 NIV).
From whom did you receive the promise?
If you expected by doing anything, any work that you must get what that work promised you-without Him being your ultimate purpose, then He will give you exactly that, the reward that the work promised, no more.
Meaning If you try to break free from these chains because you fear the consequences, or if you commit to a new relationship, or fear for your health or reputation, even though these are all valid reward, if God is not your focus, you will feel you sailing against the wind and you bearing heavy burden, He will reward you with success that promised by your hard work but it will not be the easy yoke.
However, if you put in some effort, even if it’s not as much as those who worked all day, but you do it with a humble heart without feeling deserving, knowing that you have been idle for a long time, yet trusting in His promise to reward you. He will change you from within. You will experience the easy yoke, you will not feel you are sailing against the winds anymore. He will ultimately reward you with success, the same reward as those who worked all day.
It is amazing how the parable reflects God’s actions. He is the one who went out and found others standing idle. He looks for a reason to save us—kind acts, a verse that touches our hearts, or a tear shed when thinking about Him, are all signals of our desire for change that He accepts. It doesn’t have to be a literal confirmation in front of Him; He is just looking for a sign.
- The Third Occasion
When one thief spoke to the other on the cross, he acknowledged they had both lived as thieves and were now facing their just punishment. However, the thief noticed the man beside them, who appeared holy and asked Jesus to remember him. This thief had spent his entire life in sin, far from God. Yet, by speaking just a few words to Jesus—much like those who worked only a few hours in the vineyard—he achieved what everyone desires: heaven.
Jesus didn’t question or confront the thief about his past sins. He didn’t ask if he was certain or test his loyalty first. Instead, Jesus simply saw a man who admitted his mistakes and placed his faith in His kingdom. This was enough for Jesus to grant him access to heaven.
“And Jesus said to him, “Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise”(Luke 23:43).
The point is to never stop fighting.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve abstained from watching pornography. That’s not your ultimate goal. Your goal is to fight and work alongside God. In this battle, some soldiers are armed with sharp knives, others with powerful guns, and a few with intimidating tanks, reflecting the varying levels of strength and determination to face the Enemy.
When the army wins, every soldier is considered a winner, regardless of the weapons used or how badly they were wounded in the battle.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go" (Joshua 1:9)
God will never ask you why you sinned, but He will ask you when you fell why you didn’t get up.
“Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom” (Luke 12:32).
Be strong, because you can Win This Battle.
